This is pretty funny!

twitter.com/50shedsofgrey

This might have been posted already but I was reminded of it this morning so I will post it again.



Somewhere in the world, three young ladies were about to be executed by firing squad. First the brunet was lead out of the cell into the court yard. She was placed against the wall as the squad moved into position. As the squad leader asked if she had any last words, she thought quickly then pointed away from the squad and shouted, "TORNADO!"

The entire squad looked and she managed to run away to her freedom.

The squad leader felt embarrassed but the other two girls heard what happened. Next the red head was dragged out. As the squad prepared again, the leader said to the red head, "Any last words, and it better not be tornado."

The red head pointed and shouted, "HURRICANE!" Again the entire squad looked and she managed to run away to freedom.

The last girl was excited. The squad leader led the blonde to the execution wall. He said to her as the squad prepared, "Besides Tornado or hurricane, do you have any last words?"

The blonde smiled, pointed at the squad, and shouted, "FIRE!"

redshirt1 wrote:

And now, the rest of the story...

Unfortunately, the squad leader was standing between the firing squad and the blonde, so he was shot multiple times in the back. The squad then ran off with the blonde and has not been heard from since.

A women and her boyfriend were having an argument. The woman screamed at him, "Leave! Get out of this house!"
Resigned, the boyfriend headed for the door. But the woman continued, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
He turned around and asked,


One evening two nuns were walking down the street when a vampire jumped out of an alley and headed toward them.
"What should we do?" one of the nuns asked the other.
"Show him your cross," the second answered.
"Okay," the first said. She then turned to the vampire

My wife says picking my nose is disgusting," a man told his co-worker.
"So what?" the co-worker asked.
The guys answered,

This joke may offend some people.

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A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

"Oh yeah? Let me see Your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You damned liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

A Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat, rowing towards California.The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft, where are you heading?"

One of the Mexicans stands up and shouts, "We are invading the United States!"

The crew of the destroyer all start laughing and when the captain finally stops laughing, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?

The Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four-the rest are already there!"

Warning - adult content!

Subject: Harlequin Novel, Updated....2012 Edition

The Winter Boots

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pushing and him pulling, the little boots still didn't want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on, but she managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream 'Why didn't you say so?!' like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he announced, "They're my brother's boots, my Mum made me wear them."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said,

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train.

The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."

The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."

Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...