These stories are mercifully short. If you have one, Post it

You mean make up a random story? lol.

Rei’s Beauty Tips, Or Why I like Orange Tang



Why hello there, my name is Rei. You know me. I’m that enigmatic, cute, EVA pilot that all otaku man-childs fantasize over. I first appeared in the mid 1990’s so I’m about 32 years old now. How do I keep my youthful, semi-loli looks? Let me give you my beauty secrets.
I find I keep my skin fresh and smooth if I pickle myself in a giant vat of orange Tang. I not only find it keeps my skin moist, but I also absorb vitamin c and other refreshing fat-free ingredients. Astronauts swear by it and so do all of my clones.

Asuka thought you could do the same with Mountain Dew, and she took in all that caffeine and look what happened to her, turned her into a manic Tusundre bitch.



It also helps to wrap yourself completely in hospital bandages like a mummy. While you are doing this also consider having Oil of Olay injected intravenously into you bloodstream.

Avoid emotions if you can. Things like crying, smiling and such creates stress and makes wrinkles in the face.

I can’t say enough about plugsuits, They are so tight that you can’t eat anything. It really keeps the weight in check.

Well, that’s it for now, more later

Regards,
Rei

Dang, and I was going to try soaking in a tub of Sugar-Free Rockstar... I guess I'll have to stick with just imbibing it. Thanks, Asuka, for pioneering ahead in the area of caffeine-absorption so that the rest of us could dodge the proverbial N2 mine.

If only they made apple-cinnamon Tang- I'd soak in that all fall and be a young looking, humanoid Glade air freshener.

coming soon:
Married to a Magical Girl

Very funny outlander.

Married to a Magical Girl

I have to move to Japan soon. It’s not like I want to, but that is where almost all Magical Girls reside and I married a Magical Girl. You would think this is a wonderful thing. But I have a shock for you.

Having a Magical girl as a wife or girlfriend is a pain.

I tried to make a go of it here, but in Ohio, well, they just aren’t ready for this sort of mayhem. As you know, Magical Girls are either from the sprit world or from another galaxy, here to protect mankind from evil. Apparently, fixing the potholes on my street is below them.

In order to fight evil properly they must transform themselves, to gain their special power and acquire their..uh..uniform. They usually do this by performing a geeky dance routine and in an eruption of sparkles they shed their earth clothes and become temporally naked and the magical outfit comes out of nowhere to cover them; all this is done in midair.

Now this is all well and good if it is in the privacy of your home. Heck, it is even enjoyable to watch (those schoolgirl or sailor suits can be sexy). But all too often evil raises it’s its head in public. For her to go through this routine as we are in line at the grocery checkout is …well.. Embarrassing. We’ve been banned from Wal-Mart. Did you know this transformation takes a lot of energy? When this happened at Best Buy, it blew the circuits of all the electronics. I owe them 257,000 dollars in damaged goods.

Once during a contest between good and evil at my home resulted in a power blast from an evil wizard went astray and blew up my neighbor's deck and his new Lexus, Most insurance policies don’t cover destruction by black magic power blasts. He moved away.

All magical Girls are accompanied by a sidekick to give sage advice and guidance, they can be little fairies, sprites, globs of who-knows-what, or an animal. My Magical Girl’s advisor is a talking cat.I’m not impressed. For a being with wise advice for my Girl, you would think it would have house-trained itself. There is nothing magical about Cat poop. Also, its cosmic feelings led it to invest all of my money in Bernie Madoff’s investment fund. Thank you, O great magical sage.

Once in a while magic has its uses. One day I had to drive downtown and parking is terrible. I “borrowed the magic wand and went to my destination, I waved it at all the parked cars. They all were transported to Venus. Very convenient..for a while. I too had to go through the transformation process. Try to explain to the Authorities why you are wearing a girl’s sailor suit. When My Magical girl came and got me, she admonished me like” You should not use good magic for base things, only good”. Yeah, well, the cops pretty much told me the same thing.

So we’re off to Japan where this is more common. I’ll send postcards.

I wondered why I had to sign a 500 page legal disclaimer to join the magical girl dating site, now I know.

"...damaged goods."